Q: If you had to embody one movie stylistically, what movie would it be and why?
Trash Humpers. It’s a movie about people who hump trash. I think they have really elegant costumes. The lady trash humpers have really nice pants and the men trash humpers have really nice suit jackets. I don’t think I could pull it off, but in my dreams I could.
Q: What kind of textures inspires you?
The sweet everlasting texture of a beautiful woman’s ear resting on my nipple. And chunky peanut butter, molasses and lace.
Is there anyone on campus whose fashion style you admire?
John Schott. John Schott has big biceps and wears black really well. He also sometimes wears cool shoes and it always looks like he’s ready for a show. He’s looking great for an older guy, and I admire that. I also admire his sense of humor and his charisma and he’s really smart, I think.
Q: How do you keep yourself so consistently scruffy?
I have one of these electric razors so I never shave all the way off. I just keep it like this all the time. Sometimes I don’t go over the mustache, but sometimes I do, in which case the mustache and beard would be the same length. If I don’t go over the mustache then the mustache will be a little longer which is what it is right now. I also shave off my soul patch all the way because I don’t really like it.
Q: What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own?
Maybe my ski boots because that means I’m skiing. I always have fun when I’m skiing.
Q: What are you wearing right now?
I’m wearing a 1992 Blue Jays World Series winners championship winners t-shirt but I’m a Yankees fan. I’m also wearing tan chinos with a blue-grey cuff. My shirt is also blue-grey and often times people ask me “is that fucking chambray or is that fucking denim?” and I’m like, “fuck if I know.” I have glasses. I’m also wearing socks that have a hole in the heel but I really like them so I’m not going to give up on them yet. I’m also wearing two rubber bands on my wrist—one is red and one is standard rubber band color. They are both fairly thin but one is a little looser. Last week I was wearing one that was thicker and it was also standard rubber band color but it broke when I was in the shower.
What’s the difference between chambray and denim?
Chambray is kind of a dick.
Why do you always wear mismatched socks?
It’s always been a thing. I don’t just pick any one though; they have to look good together in weight and thickness and color and style and length and also in mouth feel and temperature.
Do you have any advice for the less fashionable Carls?
It’s alright if you’re not as fashionable as me, I understand. It’s not easy. I have a personal stylist that I skype with at 8 AM every morning who lives in New York. I have to give all the credit to Janis from Astoria, Queens for the way I look because every morning I get on my skype/pornography computer and I skype the fuck out of her. Actually it’s Janus, j-a-n-u-s. She’s Hungarian and she knows everything in my wardrobe, and she’ll just be like, “Matt we’re going chambray on denim today” and I’m like, “sure Janus, I fucking love it.” Maybe today will be the day I make love.